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Saturday, December 24, 2011

Be Ok

The title of the blog says it all. Be ok with who you are, even if you want to change. Last night and this morning I seem to have taken a serious hit to who I am, even worse, from my husband. It really feels like I can't do anything right. It began on Wednesday when I crashed my car (my fault) it came up with over 10K in damages. Add $500 deductible and the sitation and we are out $620 bucks, bam, right at a time that we really can't afford it. I have known this man for 5 years, been married for 18 months and he loves me like no other has ever loved me and shows it in millions of ways. I think this is where the major sting comes in. I don't expect him to be so critical and it just hits me to my very soul. Yes, I need to change some things, and those things are practically life long habits that take much effort. That is not an excuse, simply a realization. I simply have to remind myself that no matter what anybody says, I have to be ok with who I am right now, even if I want to change. I can make changes, I can break habits, I can be what I want to be, but first, I am who I am right now, and I really need to be OK with that before I can begin to make the changes that I need to make.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Random Thoughts

Seriously, Christmas is only a week away? I am not even close to being ready for that.

Off on the road for another week of consulting. I am going to 2 different sides of the state this week. That is not how I normaly do it, but it is the end of the quarter and my quarterly reports need to be completed.

I emailed the chair of my dissertation committee to find out how much trouble I am in! He is such a kind man and incredibly supportive. I meet with him on January 9th. This gives me reason and great purpose to finish my evidence table and make progress on the first 3 chapters of my dissertation. I don't want to walk into that meeting empty handed!

I also found a home exercise program that I am doing on the road and at home, I really need to build up more muscle to assist me in getting healthy again.

I did set goals for the next 6 months, they are sealed in an envelope watiting to be opened on July 7,  2012. I am hoping that I accomplish them all! More about them later.

Hubby and I looked at a house yesterday. It is waterfront property. It does need some TLC, but the price is unbelievable. We may have to go for it. The thought that I could set up my glass studio again, is fantastic! Plus, just to have some space to spread out a little, to not worry about if I am making too much noise for the neighbors, etc. Plus, just to have our OWN home........we were waiting until I finished my PhD, but I love my job, and I think I will stay in it for some time, and I like the company and any move up, means I can live anywhere I want. Purchasing a lake home is a plus because even if I decided to do a post doc, it would be super easy to rent the house out for 2 years if we wanted to.

Ok......I need to get moving. Today was the update on my life.........not so much inspiration for you.......however I do want to leave you with this thought............YOUR life is your message to the world, make sure it is INSPIRING!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Sundays are for.....

Packing for the week. It is amazing how fast weekends go by. We had the most incredible evening last night. Scott Squared tied the knot so to speak. It was totally a lovely affair and truly special. The food was out of this world! I forgot to take my camera which really was upsetting because I really wanted to get my own photos.

Hubby and I have decided that today we would set 5 goals for us each to reach by July 2012. We both need to focus and accomplish some important tasks so this will be a good motivator. We are going to write them down and put them in a safe place to be opened on our anniversary in July and see where we are with each goal. Certainly I will also write them some place where I can see them every day and make a plan for how I will achieve each goal. I also believe in short term goals to help reach long term goals. We need to feel some accomplishment along the way. So most of my goals will include short term goals for me to celebrate. I will share them here as well. :)

I hope you all have a wonderful day, I am off to pack my suitcase for the week and plan my goals for the next 6 months!

Friday, December 9, 2011

Follow up and.....Something a little special

So, yesterday my boss LEFT before my presentation. Which btw I hit out of the park on. I think that just shows his faith in me :)

Somthing special is happening tomorrow. My dear friends Scott G and Scott F are having a wonderful celebration of their relationship. They have been together for 10 years and although it isn't legal in Michigan, they are making an official statement by "getting married". I have known them for their entire relationship, and they have honored me by asking me to "offciate" their ceremony. I am incredibly honored to do this and I am finishing up the work on the "ceremony". This is by far the most important presentation I could ever give. I am truly excited for them and knowing them......they have spared no expense on this wonderful celebration, so it is bound to be an incredible affair! Blessings to my friends Scott and Scott, may you have the most happily ever after imaginable!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Public Speaking

After 4 years of course work in a PhD program at the great University of Michigan, and lots of life experience I have done my share of public speaking. If I know my topic well, I don't have a problem. If I don't know it so well.....I am not so good at it. Today my boss is having me present before a group (with him present) to determine if I am an effective public speaker. I know the topic well, and it really only is maybe 30 minutes of presentation time. Today though, my nerves are all up in a bunch. Not sure why, except for the obvious. I just want to relax, be calm and show that I actually do know how to present in front of a group. I think this is the self sabatoge that I spoke of earlier.

Why do we self sabatoge? Are we afraid of success, are we afraid of doing well at something, could it be that our self esteem is low so we sabatoge to prove that we are not worthy? Good questions. I think that we need to remember that we all have worth, each life is worthy and as the title of my blog says, be ok with who you are, even if you want to change something. I know that I can be better at public speaking, but I need to be ok with where I am at with it right now and give it everything that I have and know that I can learn and improve at it without feeling worthless for not being the most dynamic public speaker in the world.

Go forth, love yourself for where you are at right now, today. Know that all that you are and who you are is the best you have been to date and tomorrow, you will be better than today. And.....don't forget to BREATHE!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

We are OFF!


I love Dr. Seuss! He was quite the philosopher. The mountain is waiting, so let's get on our way. We all are off to great places. Each one of us can make something incredible out of our lives, we simply must get on our way. If we sit on the sofa doing nothing, we really won't ever get there. And when you are feeling as if you are not making progress as quickly as you might like, remember: you are lapping all of those who are sitting on the sofa doing nothing! Keep moving.....one foot in front of the other! You can do it! We can do it!

Monday, December 5, 2011

First Things First


Particularly with yourself. Appreciate what you have to offer and what you DO have. If we are simply dissapointed all the time, we are not enjoying life! We only get one life, ENJOY it, Appreciate it!

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Time to Get This Ship Rolling!

Ok, so I am 50 years old. Yes. I said it out loud in a public blog. I feel like I am 26 years old. (except that my eyes KNOW that I am 50 years old...ha!) I have finished my course work for my PhD in Nursing at the University of Michigan. I still have to defend my preliminary exams and write my dissertation. I haven't been doing so great at finishing that. I work full time as a Regional Hospice Consultant and travel the entire state of Michigan every week. I am a glass artist and have no time to actually melt glass. I am married to the love of my life, a man who adores me (still not sure how I got that lucky). I have 3 incredible adult children who make me proud every single day. I actually love my life, however I seem to be sabatoging it to some degree. Thus, I am saying STOP, LOOK, and LISTEN. I have much to be grateful for AND I can actually be who I want to be. But first things first. I must enjoy and love the person I am now, even though I have things that I would like to change. You can watch my transformation and hopefully I will inspire others to be all that they can be and still love themselves through the process. So, Let's get going!

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Seriously........

I start a lot of titles that way........seriously....LOL! So I posted last night about my displeasure with the Big 10 and how they were flipping a coin for home field advantage. Then I went to bed and I am lying there thinking........really, the basic advantage is what uniform they get to wear, as I am fairly certain that they are playing the game in Indianapolis. No doubt that there is some psychological advantage to being the "home" team, but not the same as being able to play in your OWN stadium (which is not the case). So.....guess what.........it really doesn't matter that they flipped a coin for home field advantage. Meh.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

The Big 10 can NOT be thinking things out very well.

So I just visited my twitter account (yeah, no one reads what I write there either...LMAO!) Anyway.....The Big 10 just tweeted that for the championship game home field advantage was determined by a coin toss (MSU winning) and from here on out it go back and forth between the divisions. Ok, I may not know EVERYTHING there is to know about sports, but I know enough to tell you that every sport I know of that has a championship type of game, figures out home field advantage by way of one of the teams did something a little bit better than the other team. They WIN home field advantage by the regular season or playoff season performance, NOT by tossing a coin. GAH!

I don't like the title of My Blog

You know, sometimes you just don't think it all the way through. Or possibly sometimes you just wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Seriously. We have have a cyclical life. Things come and go and then seem to come back around again. We have good days and bad days. We whine and complain one day and the next day we are higher than a kite happy that everything is right in our world. I think most people are like this, I can't be the only one! For the most part, I am the glass is half full girl and happy. I have few dark days comparatively. But for some reason, I am tired of them. I don't want them! I want them to go away. I want them to realize that they don't serve much purpose for me now, except to distract from what I really need to accomplish and what I really need to make sure that I am doing with my life. On Twitter I follow a few sports figures, mainly as a voyer, just to get a glimpse how someone else lives their life, how someone who is motivated to accomplish things, lives their life. Mike Martin is one that I follow and I think he is an amazing young man that has already made a positive impact on this world even before he graduates from college! Today he tweeted this story http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1oyqsB/www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gc4HGQHgeFE    It actually is an amazing story to help you realize that whatever you have been given in life to work with.......truly is enough!

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Some things are meant to be shared.

The top story on today's yahoo board........

http://rivals.yahoo.com/ncaa/football/blog/dr_saturday/post/Victoria-Secret-shirt-fails-Michigan-State-8217?urn=ncaaf-wp10226


My only wish......that I would have bought one before they took them down!

Friday, November 18, 2011

YAY Me!

I actually READ research articles last night! I get so excited when I read research articles that I need for my dissertation because the topic is exciting to me and I SOOO want to write this research and defend it. My head has been out of it and so I am excited that I read some and that is only going to get my head back into it. Cheers!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Isolation

*warning, some girl whine may present itself*

Traveling for your job can be very isolating. You leave on Monday morning and return on Friday evening and on the weekend, wash, reorganize and hope to see your significant other for a little bit. In some respects I totally enjoy it. But during the week, when you are all alone and looking for some connection.........you post on a blog, or send out a tweet, or post something on facebook and you realize that no one cares (yes, that really sounds selfish and "whiny") It is simply a desire to connect. Facebook is more realistic.....at least that is suppose to be your friends. Blogs and twitter.....well.....those are really just strangers so that shouldn't bother me.

I think what really is bothering me is the disconnect I feel with my husband while on the road and the fact that I am not getting my school work done like I had hoped for.

Sorry if you came to read  my site today.......I just needed to say a few things........but in reality........I know that no one is reading this....so.....I guess I don't need to apologize to anyone! :) K. Laters.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Pinterest - If you haven't tried it.....it will be your new addiction (if you are a girl...lol)

<a href="http://pinterest.com/nursecatie/"><img src="http://d3io1k5o0zdpqr.cloudfront.net/images/follow-on-pinterest-button.png" width="156" height="26" alt="Follow Me on Pinterest" /></a>

Tomorrow is November!?

Oh gosh, I feel football season slipping away already! This weekend was great! Michigan showed their teeth to Purdue, Nebraska ruined Sparty's season! I was disappointed that Whisky lost to that team from Ohio. Sunday the Lions DESTROYED Tebow and the Broncos, that was fun to watch! All in all.....a great weekend of football!

I am packed and ready to head to the airport. Going to Vickings Territory for a business trip for the week. I packed some jewelry that I can make and more importantly I packed research articles to read and get my evidence table completed and move on to the second chapter of my dissertation. If I can pull that off this week, that would be so sweet.

Life continues to move and I either need to keep up or get out of the way! After 4 years of course work on this PhD, there is no getting out of the way.....I just need to focus and get it done! It would help if I could get a following back on my jewelry sales, taking 5 years off from that really hurt the business.

Well....Happy Halloween to those who enjoy this holiday! I hope your week is great!

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Football Saturday

So in purusing my favorite football blogs, getting ready for the game today, I came across a posting from Sparty Nation (or some such thing) discussing the suspension of Gholston after the Michigan game. That just about ruined my day. Seriously. Then of course I turn on Game Day and Sparty is all the talk (along with Andrew Luck, and yes, he is a good QB and all, but sometimes these reporters make me nuts) There is no doubt that ESPN hates Michigan. Anyway. I must get my research articles picked out that I need to take with me next week. I will be in Minnesota all week, which means that I have 4 nights to accomplish some school work. I also need to finish some jewelry to get down to the art center for sale. Money is tight as we did another investment in our business, plus I think hubby is getting me a very special Christmas gift that cost far more than he should be spending, but something that I will adore. It is something that would normally be an anniversary gift, it just happens that it came along now. Anyway....I digress. I am excited to see how Michigan looks today. I really hope that they come out improving. The past few years, we have done well the first few games than took a shit for the rest of the season, so I am a bit gun shy. I know we are better than the last few years......I just want to see it. GO BLUE!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

So......

Adventures of obtaining your PhD. Don't start smoking because of the stress. It is more stressful to quit! That is lesson # 1. I am dying over here. No smokes in 2.5 weeks. On chantix (as described below) I totally hate this drug. I think they make the side effects so miserable to help you to never want to quit again. Only 4 more days of it (including today).

So, I did start a journal that has a check box for every day of the week. I have to do at least 30 minutes of work on my dissertation each day to check off a box. I need something to help me keep on track. I love checking off boxes :)  Although right now.....I really just want to go back to bed so I don't toss my cookies......but corporate is in town and I need to show up and be a good corporate employee for the next 2 days. I think I will finish my chai tea with soy milk and hit the showers........I have to be in Southfield all day and then drive to Grand Rapids for a meeting there tomorrow. I guess I should pack.....hmmmm....I think I will drag hubby along on this trip.........or...maybe just get up super early tomorrow and drive to Grand Rapids tomorrow........I probably should decide sooner rather than later!

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Smoking and Chantix

If you have ever smoked or if you currently do, you know what I mean by saying....."I like it" and "I hate it". It is a monkey on your back....always thining ahead to when the next "smoke break" is. Feeling trapped in a 4 hour meeting, knowing that you won't have enough time to use the bathroom and go down 6 stories to get outside and sneak a smoke. I hate how it smells, I was embarrassed by the stupidity of it. The cons far outweighed the pros on this, yet the pro (ONE pro) was that.....I like it. Well, my daughter is now married and it won't be long before I become a grandmother. I would NEVER smoke in front of my grandchildren, but the thought of me with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth with my arms stretched out, saying, "come to grandma sweetie" is enough to say......Ok....It is time to stop this shit. Plus if I don't quit before November 1st my health insurance will go up by 10-15% on January first. If you figure $8 a pack and nearly a pack a day.....the cost savings is also something to consider.

So, October 9th was my last day of smoking. I started chantix the week before that. Before I proceed with this post I will tell you that it is easy to quit, I have done it at least 20 times (3 times with Chantix) (it is the staying quit part that is difficult). So having been on chantix before, I know the side effects. They are terrible. I am naseaus all of the time, I have wild dreams, and I am just not myself. I HATE this drug. I have 5 days left on it. I have never finished out the course of this drug because of all of the side effects, this time I said I would finish it out and maybe that would keep me on the straight and narrow. I will finishe it, but even today, I want a cigarette. I wonder if you take it that many times to quit if it becomes less effective? The good news is, when I am finished with the chantix this weekend I have to travel for work to Minnesota for a week, so I will be out of my routine for another week past the chantix, which might help. It is hell quitting, so why does anyone start again? Especially when you KNOW that you will have to quit again and go through this........I swear, if I start again.....no more quitting.......my goal then is to never start again.....I DO like having the monkey off my back, I DO like knowing that I am not spending $8 per day and I DO like never having to smell smoke in my hair.......I know it will be a healthier me.........Breathe........

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Putting it out to the Universe

No messing around today. I am going to plant myself at the dining room table. I need to knock off a powerpoint webinar for work (design it, write it) then prepare for a discussion on Monday morning with one of my offices on a new policy that just came out. Then, finish my evidence table for school. Once I get all of that done, I can work on some jewelry that I need to finish. I also need to finish up an order for jewelry supplies that is due by Monday (bulk buy, super cheap prices, the way I like it!) What I would LOVE to see happen at this point is to get all of this done today, then tomorrow I can go to the studio to melt glass. That would be heaven. I haven't been to the studio in a few weeks. However my "list" of to do's comes first. Work and school MUST take priority this weekend. So I am putting this out to the universe to help me git er done! Happy Weekend! I am looking forward to the Sparty and Whisky game tonight......can't wait to see Whisky shred Sparty!

Friday, October 21, 2011

Seriously........

Ok, so the boy won out for most of the day. I think he likes shopping more than I do. So we went to the mall (actually just to Von Maur) then grabbed a quick bite at the Cottage Inn Buffett right off Eisenhower (perfect quick lunch place!) Then off to see Paranormal Activity 3. We saw the first one in the theater. I was nearly laughing at it. It did scare the boy (well, he wouldn't want me to say that it scared him, but it did) I thought it was pretty ridiculous myself. Then came #2. We waited for it on DVD. It actually was better than the first and made me squirm a little. So I was looking forward to #3. Yeah. Ok then. Even hubby who was "scared" by the first one and probably a little by the second one, was disappointed by the third one. We were just grateful that it was the matinee and didn't pay full price to see the thing. We then came home and I took a nap and he went down town. Now I need to get ready and go meet him down there. Have a few "pops" (his term for beer) and relax a bit. Saturday and Sunday......work days and since it is football season, he can keep himself occupied. I can have the games on in the background, plus Michigan is on a bye week, so that makes it really easy. I have a home office day next Friday, which is now designated as my library day before I leave for Minnesota on Halloween. I think it is a good plan. I just need to produce this weekend! And now.......I need to get dressed and call a taxi.......Cheers!

Unexpected.......

Did I mention that I really love my new job? My goodness the time committment is far less. Today I have an unexpected Home Office day. I do have a presentation to prepare for work (which can be done anytime before Monday) so I could take this day to go to the library and work on my lit search and finish up my evidence table. One minor snag, hubby thinks that a home office day means that we get to play all day. There in lies the other "problem" in finishing a PhD. Family. They love us and want to spend time with us. It really is a matter of letting them know what we need to get done and our deadlines. So today I will share, I will spend some time with him this morning and figure out what is important to him, I will then take a good chunk of the day to hit the library and then be sure to spend some quality time with him tonight. It should work out fine. He is my biggest supporter, so I think he will understand.

I found this website today and I love it. As an artist and a researcher/writer it is incredibly inspiring. Even if you are neither, just life in general. Take a peek!

Steal like an artist

With that I shall leave you......I hope your day is spectacular.......I know that I will get a lot accomplished!

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Thursday.....Evidence Table due this weekend

So, you think you want a PhD? You think, well after I get through the course work, it is all down hill? You think at that point you can work a full time job? Well, it is possible, but damn hard! My evidence table is due (was due) by this weekend. Fortunately for me, my research has very limited outcome research completed so out of 14 possible research articles I will probably have 5 on my evidence table. I still have to read all 14 articles! Before you begin to even think anything (like, seriously 14 articles is nothing) I will tell you this. My evidence table is a very SMALL precurser to my preliminary exams (which happen to be the first 3 chapters of my dissertation). Once my evidence table is complete, I will spend a day at the Taubman Library conducting a literature search that is all inclusive over 3 different main areas of my research. This lit search will turn up hunderds of articles for me to puruse and use in my second chapter where I will discuss what is known in the scientific world about my variables and what is not known. So, the fact that I am dragging my feet on this little evidence table is not a good sign. This is NOTHING compared to what I need to get accomplished in the next 2 months. The past year I have been a director of a hospice program. That job has been literally 24/7 with 60 a week at the office. I now have been promoted to a regional hospice consultant position, which takes no time after my 40 hours a week and most of the week I will be in a hotel. This means I need to FOCUS and get some work done in the hotel each night and make up for the last year that I have diddled away, all while still paying the University. You see, at Michigan in the PhD program, it is continuous enrollement. So even if you are doing NOTHING, you still pay tuition each term. On average, I pay $16,000 a year to do nothing. So if that doesn't light a fire.....I don't know what will. The fact that once I defend my prelims I am actually a PhD candidate and when I sign my name I can put a PhD (c) behind my name is actually more of a motivator for me at this point. After 4 years, I still technically have nothing, so getting that would at least show that I have accomplished something. 25% of my cohort has already defended their dissertations! I don't want to be the last one! :) So........I have my 14 articles in a folder and they go everywhere with me, so when I have 5-10 minutes at any point in the day, I am reading them. I WILL get through it! So.....just a bit of advice, don't think you can work full time and finish your dissertation. Enjoy being a student and knock it out, then you will have plenty of time to work. If you must work, make sure that you find a good mentor that will keep you in the game, and do something EVERY single day on your dissertation. Once it gets out of your mind, it is harder to get back in the game. Read a few pages, write a few paragraphs, anything to keep your mind in it every day. You MUST do this to get through!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

My original Blog

Some back story needs to be shared. I have blogged for years. Somehow in an effort to set up a blog for my bead and jewelry designs I lost my long standing blog. It is lost in space and I am not taking the time to recover it. Thus, the journey begins a new. Which is very apprapro as I am moving forward on a path that has changed dramatically over the course of the last five years.

The back story on me. I was raised with 6 brothers, if I wanted any attention from my father, I needed to like and know sports. Football in particular. I always wanted to play with my brothers in the backyard and they would allow me, if I would be a defensive lineman or an outfielder for baseball. I always wanted to be the wide reciever or the catcher but they wouldn't have anything to do with that! So I played my no glory positions and I learned about sports. I have lived in Michigan my entire life and have been a Detroit fan of pro sports as well as a Michigan Wolverine fan as far back as I can remember. I never dreamed that I would one day be a graduate of the University of Michigan, yet here I am, very close to having done just that!

So, although I love sports and love to discuss the many different aspects of it. I am also a girl and I like to talk about the journey of life. So this is not a sports blog but I will take opportunities to share my thoughts on it. This may seem very dichotomic as my life philosophy is much more centered than my sports rants! Welcome to my world!

It all started.......

4 years ago I started working on my PhD at the University of Michigan. I am now finished with my course work and I am working on my preliminary exams, which according to my committee chair I should defend by the end of fall term. (not going to happen). Once I finished my course work I decided that I was tired of being a poor grad student, so I took my skills on the road and started working full time. I don't suggest this for PhD students who are trying to write their prelims or dissertation. Anyway......this was just a brief intro. I will be back to fill you in on the gory details and hopefully inspire a few people along the way! GO BLUE!