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Friday, August 30, 2013

Michigan Football and then some.........

I am so excited that Michigan Football starts tomorrow! I regret of course not buying my student season tickets, although I probably wouldn't be able to go tomorrow due to my health, but I DO want to get to a game soon.

That being said, I feel as if the fluid in the plureal space around my left lung has increased so I am heading in the get a chest xray to check on it. I only have 2 more weeks off work. I need my stamina to improve. I am having a very difficult time getting nutrition in. Yesterday and tossed my cookies for one meal. Somehow after doing that, one is not so interested in putting more food in the tummy. I just need to get this all under control in the next 2 weeks.

Emotionally I am Doing ok, I will be happy to go home and see my kids before I go back to work.

Of course, writing my prelims must take place in the next 2 weeks.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Seeing the Surgeon Today

I go back to see the surgeon today for the 5 week post op/post collapsed lung.  I know that I will need to be off work at least 1-2 weeks longer than planned due to the collapsed lung. It is better and I am grateful for that, however my stamina is greatly lacking. I need to get that built back up. My job is hugely taxing on me as I am in a hotel M-F. So I need to have a bit more stamina before I go back.

I also need a couple of weeks to get my preliminatry exam draft done (the first 3 chapters of my dissertation) my committee is expecting that the first part of September. I have been to ill to even work on that. I must admit, I am afraid that I will not get this dissertation completed and that just scares me to death.

I have been weepy again this week. I really want to see my children before I go back to work. I am hoping to make a trip back home for 4-5 days to spend a little time with each of them. It won't be enough, I know that. It never is enough lately. I love my home here, I love the South East side of the state, but I would sell it all and move closer to my kids in a heart beat. Unfortunately, that isn't going to happen anytime soon. :(

I hope if you came along to read this that you have a great day.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

The Man That Wasn't There

I watched a movie with my husband last night, something he had recorded from showtime called "The Man that Wasn't There". I was riveted. It seemed to resonate within the deepest parts of me. Towards the end he had a narrative about life being a maze of turns and twists and how our life turns out depends on which turn we choose, or possibly what we do with that turn.

I want to see my kids :)

Time to Revive the Blog!

Ahhh, back once again. I somehow go up and down on this blogging thing. Hopefully I can stick to this a little better this time. Lots have happened of course since I blogged about a year ago. July 22nd 2013 I had gastric bypass surgery. My metabolism is shot. It has been good for losing weight no doubt. I am nearing 50 pounds in 5 weeks. (which is about half of what I need to lose!) The trouble is that 2 weeks after surgery I was having so much pain and trouble breathing I went back into the hospital with a plureal effusion with atalectisis (fluid that caused the bottom portion of my left lung to collapse) This is a side effect of the surgery (although I was not made aware of it). So here I sit nearly 5 weeks post surgery and I should be feeling great and instead, I feel so weak and very tired of feeling this way. I am to go back to work (which the pulmonologist said I will need another week or two off before I can go back). I have not been able to make progress on my dissertation as I hoped. My stamina needs to increase. I will be seeing all of my doctors this week, so hopefully we can make a plan to get me back on track and I will have a week or two to pull my draft together before going back to work.
       The first 2 weeks after surgery I cried all the time, especially when I thought about my 3 incredible children. Then that stopped. Yesterday that started again. I am not a crier and especially when there is seemingly nothing to cry about. So that is making me nuts. Both of my sons called me yesterday and I just basically cried the whole time that they talked to me. They are the best, they didn't shy away from the call, they just would say, get it out and talk me through it. Damn I raised those boys right!

There is so much more to say, I just am not organizing it well in my head to get it out. More to come. For now, know that I am grateful for a husband who is supportive and 3 incredilble adult children. If I never do another thing in my entire life, knowing that I raised these 3 human beings who are absolutely the best legacy anyone could possibly leave this world!