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Saturday, November 2, 2013


I haven't kept this up to date! Well, you have missed a few things. On September 30th I went in for an outpatient procedure of a scope and dilation of the opening between my esophagus and my stomach as it was very likely that I had a stricture. (likely because I was vomiting everything that I ate). I indeed had  a stricutre (the opening to my stomach was nearly closed completly! We now know that during the procedure of the dilation, air leaked into my pleural cavity. The air went over to my heart and caused my heart to go into A-Fib with RVR (code for "you can die at any moment, VERY bad). So I ended up in ICU for the rest of the week. The leak sealed itself. I fired my surgeon and possibly will seek councel for his ttreatment of me. I am trying to get out of this hospital system (which I had to use because of my insurance) and get back into the UofM health system. The trouble with that is I have to have all these appointments to check things out before I get answers. So that process has begun. Spritiually and emotionally I have been in some sort of crisis over all of this. So much to deal with with just losing weight and making major changes to my diet, let alone dealing with issues that are very our of the ordinary. I know that I still need at least one more surgery for the hernia, and I really don't want to have it. So far it has not caused an issue, so I am not getting the surgery right now.

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Back to work on Monday

I am doing better, I even helped to stain the deck today! Work starts on Monday with home office days for Monday and Tuesday (to get through the 800 emails sitting in my in box and to get report from 2 other consultants about corporate communications while I was off and what transpired in the offices that I cover. Then 3 days in Grand Rapids! Due to my health issues over the summer and the speed of which defending preliminary exams occur my chair suggested that I take a leave for the semester. I still will work on my prelims, I just don't have access to a number of perks of being a student. I think it will help me get it done.

I am starting the P90X workout program tomorrow, well, the warm up to it! Exercise has to become my routine now.

Friday, August 30, 2013

Michigan Football and then some.........

I am so excited that Michigan Football starts tomorrow! I regret of course not buying my student season tickets, although I probably wouldn't be able to go tomorrow due to my health, but I DO want to get to a game soon.

That being said, I feel as if the fluid in the plureal space around my left lung has increased so I am heading in the get a chest xray to check on it. I only have 2 more weeks off work. I need my stamina to improve. I am having a very difficult time getting nutrition in. Yesterday and tossed my cookies for one meal. Somehow after doing that, one is not so interested in putting more food in the tummy. I just need to get this all under control in the next 2 weeks.

Emotionally I am Doing ok, I will be happy to go home and see my kids before I go back to work.

Of course, writing my prelims must take place in the next 2 weeks.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Seeing the Surgeon Today

I go back to see the surgeon today for the 5 week post op/post collapsed lung.  I know that I will need to be off work at least 1-2 weeks longer than planned due to the collapsed lung. It is better and I am grateful for that, however my stamina is greatly lacking. I need to get that built back up. My job is hugely taxing on me as I am in a hotel M-F. So I need to have a bit more stamina before I go back.

I also need a couple of weeks to get my preliminatry exam draft done (the first 3 chapters of my dissertation) my committee is expecting that the first part of September. I have been to ill to even work on that. I must admit, I am afraid that I will not get this dissertation completed and that just scares me to death.

I have been weepy again this week. I really want to see my children before I go back to work. I am hoping to make a trip back home for 4-5 days to spend a little time with each of them. It won't be enough, I know that. It never is enough lately. I love my home here, I love the South East side of the state, but I would sell it all and move closer to my kids in a heart beat. Unfortunately, that isn't going to happen anytime soon. :(

I hope if you came along to read this that you have a great day.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

The Man That Wasn't There

I watched a movie with my husband last night, something he had recorded from showtime called "The Man that Wasn't There". I was riveted. It seemed to resonate within the deepest parts of me. Towards the end he had a narrative about life being a maze of turns and twists and how our life turns out depends on which turn we choose, or possibly what we do with that turn.

I want to see my kids :)

Time to Revive the Blog!

Ahhh, back once again. I somehow go up and down on this blogging thing. Hopefully I can stick to this a little better this time. Lots have happened of course since I blogged about a year ago. July 22nd 2013 I had gastric bypass surgery. My metabolism is shot. It has been good for losing weight no doubt. I am nearing 50 pounds in 5 weeks. (which is about half of what I need to lose!) The trouble is that 2 weeks after surgery I was having so much pain and trouble breathing I went back into the hospital with a plureal effusion with atalectisis (fluid that caused the bottom portion of my left lung to collapse) This is a side effect of the surgery (although I was not made aware of it). So here I sit nearly 5 weeks post surgery and I should be feeling great and instead, I feel so weak and very tired of feeling this way. I am to go back to work (which the pulmonologist said I will need another week or two off before I can go back). I have not been able to make progress on my dissertation as I hoped. My stamina needs to increase. I will be seeing all of my doctors this week, so hopefully we can make a plan to get me back on track and I will have a week or two to pull my draft together before going back to work.
       The first 2 weeks after surgery I cried all the time, especially when I thought about my 3 incredible children. Then that stopped. Yesterday that started again. I am not a crier and especially when there is seemingly nothing to cry about. So that is making me nuts. Both of my sons called me yesterday and I just basically cried the whole time that they talked to me. They are the best, they didn't shy away from the call, they just would say, get it out and talk me through it. Damn I raised those boys right!

There is so much more to say, I just am not organizing it well in my head to get it out. More to come. For now, know that I am grateful for a husband who is supportive and 3 incredilble adult children. If I never do another thing in my entire life, knowing that I raised these 3 human beings who are absolutely the best legacy anyone could possibly leave this world!